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The Kuagu(kway-goo)  are a cave-dwelling, uni-planetary sapient species from the planet Kue'kua(kweh-koo-ah).   


Due to the gap between the possible vocalizations of humans and that of Kuagu, most Kuagu are often not referred to in earth writings how they are actually named. Most Kuagu are thus instead named as either “big (human name) Kuagu” or “little (human name) Kuagu” depending on if they are a royal(large in size) or commoner(small in size).

This naming system arose from the very first encounter between Kuagu and human on the planet Earth. This is when the world-famous general and explorer, “Little Johnny Kuagu”, accompanied by his space fleet navy, made a decades-long voyage to investigate what the Royal Cosmology Department of Big Augy Kueku CXX's kingdom had theorized to be a possible sapient planet in the same galactic arm as Kue'kua after receiving and studying radio waves originating in the system.

After multiple meticulous studies by the RCD to determine the likely planet of the senders and possible landing areas to safely land if trouble ensued, a crew of cosmologists, geographers, space photographers, engineers, computer scientists, and high-rank soldiers were assembled and trained for the long journey to reach an orbit around the peculiar planet. Once the voyage had reached its destination, Johnny and his fleet were woken up from their cryogenic freezers and immediately began further speculative studies toward evidence for life on Earth. In the midst of their studies contact was attempted by a nearby spaceship requesting to dock bridges to enter the Kuagu ship. After a long period of precautions and troubleshooting the logistics of a safe docking, a group of humans entered the ship escorted by a wall of Kuagu soldiers.

Communication between the sapients was muddled. However, enough was understood to invite Johnny and his fleet to spend the next few years on planet Earth to discuss diplomacy between the two planets. The monumental encounter inspired the humans to moniker the brave general-explorer “Little Johnny Kuagu”, after the great earth explorer and connector of worlds John Cabot. Since then many other influential Kuagu figures, discovered from communication between the two sapients, have been assigned this same system of naming.

The name Kuagu also did not arise from a demonym of the entire species. Instead, it arose specifically from a rough pronunciation of the name of Little Johnny Kuagu's home kingdom. Human linguists believe that there does not exist a single demonym for all of Kuagu-kind due to their isolationist nature toward other kingdoms.


Basic Anatomy[]

The typical Kuagu is roughly 110 centimeters tall at adulthood. Though royal Kuagu may grow upwards of 150 centimeters tall at adulthood. Kuagu are entirely bipedal and have toeless feet that are grooved and arched on the bottom for balance.

The Kuagu have three webbed fingers and one opposable thumb on each of their two hands.


Kuagu have two earth-cephalopod-like eyes from which their natural eyesight is, in comparison to humans, fairly poor. Though, with the long and nearly culturally ubiquitous tradition of glass-eyewear production, many Kuagu find little issue with accurate sight at close distances. Additionally, modern technology has allowed eyewear able to produce a more vibrant array of colors and distanced vision, though these are mostly used in occupational and laboratory settings.

The two rigid-tentacle-like appendages directly above a Kuagu's eyes (known as the superofrontal sinusal tentacles) are sensory organs. These appendages serve a similar function to human touch and hearing. At the center of each tentacle is a fluid filled sinus, which extends laterally to roughly the gap between their eyes. The two structures are kept pressurized by the seminasal sinuses (located between the eyes and partially anterior to the tentacle sinuses) and henceforth through the small nostril anterior to their second mouth (see under respiratory system).

These sinuses are supplied by a heavy cluster of nerves that send sensory information quickly to the brain as well as organized spots of thinner skin upon the tentacles that allow better sensation of subtler stimuli. By this way they serve a major role in a Kuagu's ability to perceive their immediate surroundings sensing the slight refection of sound waves, air pressure changes, and most physical contact with their tentacles. In wider and calmer surroundings Kuagu may "squeek" to echolocate their position.

In modern times, close contact of the tentacles is considered incredibly intimate in most Kuagu culture groups and is often only done among family, lovers, very close friends, and in some ceremonial procedures.

adult female Kuagu skull (anterior view)

An adult female Kuagu skull (anterior view)

Digestive System[]

Kuagu mouths have two parts; the exterior mouth of skin and the interior "beak" of keratin. Together, these two parts allow Kuagu to break up food for passage down their alimentary canal.

Respiratory System[]

Kuagu have two orifices used for breathing. The primary orifice of these two is through the same throat they use to swallow food. However, food is prevented from entering their lungs by a protective epiglottis at the entrance of the pharynx. The second orifice used for breathing is a nostril located behind the first mouth but through the "beak", through a portion of the seminasal sinuses and into the pharynx . allowing Kuagu to breathe while eating food.



Most developed Kuagu culture groups live in semi-communalist communities ruled over by kingdoms that often have governing authority over several subterrean communities at once.

Euclidean Humor[]

Compared to humans, Kuagu have had quite hectic lives for most of their history. This is why one of the most common cultural aspects of almost all of modern Kuagu groups is their unique type of comedy, commonly known as Euclidean Humor( or Kuagu Humor). This form of humor is developed from Kuagu's very blunt manner of speaking to form jokes that, instead of moving from buildup to punchline, are simply single phrases with the buildup and punchline combined followed or accompanied often by some dance or voluntary motion to provide emotion or context.

For example:

Johnny: "the meat is red!" (jumps back and forward while saying line)

Timmy: (laughs hysterically)


Almost all Kuagu kingdoms worship some form of wind, storm, or sky god. The doctrine of most of these religions often surrounds the literal and metaphoric idea that Kuagu are fairly helpless to being swept away by the wind. It is taught in most of these doctrines that one must achieve a "heavy soul" by following dogma and ceremonies and acting with humility toward their god. However, dogma and ceremony differ immensely between doctrines.